she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
