wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
