yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
