i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
