well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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