If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
