Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
