Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
