If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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