im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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