party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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