I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
