Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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