I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
