shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
