conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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