No, you can still breathe under the balls.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
