we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
