I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
