True but thats because hes a fetus.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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