I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
