Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
