Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
