Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
