she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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