Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
