Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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