I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
