I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
