ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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