I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
