what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
