I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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