We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
where are you?
Hypothermia
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
