8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
