Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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