why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
