they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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