OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
