My hand turned me down
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
