I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
