Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
