the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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