he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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