I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
