Cold hands, warm shart.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
