Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
