Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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