There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I have aggressive nipples.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
