I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
