How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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