I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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