btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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