College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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