Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
