the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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