Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
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