Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
