Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
did i just pee glitter
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
