At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
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They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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