They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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