Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
