i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
