I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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