listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I need moral support for this bender
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Randomize
