i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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