She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
