the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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