Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
