Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dick very happy bro
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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