Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
