this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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