This show inspires me to have sex in space
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
