Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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