i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
