I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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