i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
