woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
