This girl is more easily done than said...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
