Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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