now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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