I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
