Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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